“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness”
-Robert Morley
We often hear people telling people to love themselves.
Years ago when I was struggling in life someone told me, “Don’t be harsh on yourself, learn to love yourself.”
That piece sounded quite deep…you know kind of… in English, we often can make some sentences which sound pretty big yet at the core carry a simple run-of-the-mill meaning. It took me a couple of years to understand the implication and when that happened I haven’t looked back.
I am sure by the time you are through to the end of the article you would kind of, “Yeah, I know, I should.” It’s not that you don’t or didn’t want to love yourself. It just may have been that thinking about it never really got you anywhere. Maybe you are already loving yourself!
Some of us try to indulge in things that make us feel special or important: electronics, cars, fancy getaways and big homes. It’s kind of like telling yourself, “If I could treat myself big it would be proof enough that I am loving myself. Look at what I did for me!” In the name of self-love some indulge in great wine, food and amazing experiences and what they get is actually a momentary satisfaction – for sure. Well, I don’t deny that as life is here to be tasted.
But then, all that indulging and staging ultimately feel so unlike real self-love – so empty. It’s because what feels good, and isn’t what fills us with love.
The truth is when we tend to do what makes us grow as men and women empowered by peace and serenity and equanimity and above all truly human, we actually start to feel and understand what self-love is all about. What I mean to say is that self-love is all about tending to our physical strength, mental focus, inner stillness, or a joyous heart…
In other words, we don’t set out on a mission to indulge in to activities that mean fun and frolic in their most ordinary essence, but, instead, we set out to develop and nurture our inner strengths and their spirits by including daily practices like physical exercises, yoga, meditation, mantra chanting, contemplation, nurturing love, practicing to stay relaxed and out of that comes self-love.
Another way to define this tending to ourselves is self-discipline. Self-discipline and being righteous. Also learning up empathy and compassion, being grateful for all that’s happening in our lives, and learning to be enthusiastic. What’s important is that it consistently tends to our development as physical and spiritual beings.
Focus on what discipline grows you when you tend to these consistently…whatever actions that blow you open, quietens mental chatter, and calms you, or drives you forward, in all the right ways. So I chant:
“Deep down in the cave of my heart peace becomes me,
Space opens enough for bliss to just settle down unseen.”
A regular practice has kind of become part of me.It has worked on me and will work on anybody. It can work wonders if one starts all these early in life. That is what led me to decide me these missions to my life:
Living life inspired
Inspiring lives
Moulding young minds
Loving life a little more every day
I indulge in these with piety and I’m honest, it’s not the kind of pleasurable indulgences that would display my humanness but they are something that awakens my spirit a little every passing day. Even they have helped me have consistent time to write and to create content that helps others — or other similarly spirit-evoking activities. I am growing calmer every passing day. I am able to see divinity in everybody.
It’s no mistake that we push ourselves to be disciplined – because we think we should for that it’s good for us. But I sense we may be overlooking self-discipline as a rich and meaningful path for knowing and growing our self-love.
There are many paths to love…some people engage in selfless social welfare activities. This one strikes me as particularly sweet, in that it’s not so obvious.
SO, DO LOVE YOURSELF
i just loved each and everything written in this article. this gives us a wonderful view on what it exactly means to be in self-love, i loved the way it explains that self-love is not about simply superficially engaging ourselves but it's about taking accountability of our lives and lead a disciplined life, focusing on self-growth and even selflessly helping others.
I have been English language teacher and trainer, communication and life skills coach for last 40 years. I am social and educational blogger, writer and poet in English language.
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People commit suicide because they feel horrible. Recently, there were discussions on numerous channels on mental health. So, what is it? My favourite explanation is given by William Glasser (1925-2013) American psychiatrist who said that one is mentally healthy if they enjoy being with people, they know especially important ones like family and friends. A happy person readily helps a grieving family member, friend or colleague, laughs a lot, leads a stress-free life, and rarely suffers from pain (that many other people accept as an indispensable part of living). A mentally happy person enjoys life and has no problem admitting that other people are different. The last thing that comes to mind is to criticize or try to change someone/ something. They do tasks constructively. Finally, even in difficult situations, when a person feels unhappy, they are aware of the reason behind it and try to find solutions. I can say, our happiness determines our longevity.
According to the World Health Statistics Report 2021, women’s life expectancy is on average 5-years higher than men’s, but their healthy life expectancy reduces to average 2.4-years. According to the Longitudinal Aging Survey of India (LASI) women have more heart diseases than men and are short of access to nutritional food too. For this, it would be suggested that women must participate (more) in decision making about themselves and other-things. In general, any person who is told or asked something understands it. Brain power you see. So, never underestimate anyone.
Q) How to improve mental health?
Ans) Take a walk, spend some alone time, talk positively to friends, eat good dishes, develop a new hobby, listen to music, un-think what is upsetting, don’t be afraid of changes in life, refuse inappropriate things, use positive words, don’t say a ‘yes’ to please others, accept a ‘No’ and also, accept what is not in our hands rather than attempting to change it. I agree with Jeff Keller’s words, “Attitude is Everything”.
I have to take care of the house which is a big task in itself. There are economic difficulties. Some family members say upsetting words sometimes. Physical illness accompanies it all. But I keep reminding myself that my family exists because of me. If I feel happy, I will be able to make others feel happy.
So, here is my new motto: STAY HAPPY, SPREAD HAPPINESS!
