“ Yes , I am fine.” . It’s not a response anymore to people asking you if you are doing okay . It’s more like a tape recorded inside you and keeps on playing time and again .
In the middle of the day when you are deep in your work or in the middle of a lecture ,when nothing feels right out of the blue and all of a sudden when tears starts streaming down your eyes , the voices in your head grow louder , you feel paralysed , struck in horror . But you stay in there , because it’s too hard to get up .
How do I feel lately ?
I feel trapped. I feel trapped in a small , dark and dingy room. I cannot see anything , but I feel a series of emotions. But you know , the dark room is not what I fear , it’s those walls . I feel as if I am trapped in the room and the walls are coming closer and closer making you feel out of breath . And I know anytime soon I am going to run out of breath . I feel claustrophobic. I want to run. Run away from this room , but there is no where I can go .
I see a tiny flint of sunlight but I don’t know where it’s coming from , I reach towards it but there is something holding me back . I try my hardest , shout,scream , yell , wither out in pain but there in the room i can’t hear a thing , and the only the thing I get is , dead silence .
I am exhausted now from all the running and especially the crying . Nothing seems to get better .
The helpless girl in the room has stopped trying . Now the tiny glint of sunlight is gone and the darkness haunts back.
I feel like sleeping . Resting for a while and put all those loud and disturbing voices in my head in peace . But for some reason I can’t .
The walls are now inching closer and closer and I stand still , staring into void and waiting for the darkness to consume me whole.
